Bye :)

People keep wanting me to change. Everyone has an opinion on who I should be and what I should do. I am constantly reminded of reasons why to dislike myself. I don’t get it. I try to be a good person. I do what I can to make everyone happy and it just isn’t enough. I’m so tired. I’m falling back into the slump. I don’t agree with what they say , but it still hurts. I just want to be good enough.

I like this kid too much. I have to ditch him.

I went to the drive im tonight. I feel weird. Something is wrong, but I don’t know what.

I can’t sleep so i’m making banana but muffins and cinnamon waffles for my roommates. I might smoke a hookah and watch the sun rise. I can’t sleep. Guess its going to be a day of black coffee and sleepy eyes.

I made a really good friend when I was in the clinic named Joy. Yesterday was her birthday, so I went to go see her. I spent so much time with her in there, no makeup, no boundaries. We sat together and told our secrets. We aren’t happy . When I saw her yesterday, she was in a small black dress looking as beautiful as ever, but I could see it in her eyes. I could see it. I sat there and watched her throw shots back, and then her words began to slur, and then she was dancing on every boy and her breast were falling out. I watched her keep going and going and going. I kept trying to make eye contact and when we did she knew that I knew. I watched her do to herself what I do. She still isn’t happy and she can not take it, so she gets fucked up until she doesn’t care. she wants to not care but it has become apart of her, and she wants to forget reality. she wants this world to be fake. I followed her into the bathroom. I asked her if she was happy and she started to cry.   Later that night I had to help her stand and slap her until she could focus her eyes. She woulden’t tell me what she was on, and then she started to throw up. I started to cry. She is going to kill herself because she can’t take it. She is going to kill herself , and there is nothing that I can do . I can try and try but it will always be her choice. i am so sad.